


Home

by FTS4ever



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, M/M, mentions of other mental illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 20:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20318815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FTS4ever/pseuds/FTS4ever
Summary: 'I can't do this anymore.'Oh Sehun was not the same of three years ago, not after he had left.





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit, I'm pretty sure this is the 2nd one shot of Exo I ever did and because it brings back memories I won't edit it so excuse it if it's not as good as the others.

_'I can't do this anymore.'_

_______

(3 years later)

"Come on Sehun, just one more bite, please." the black haired boy only blinked, staring blankly at the air. The spoon that was held in front of his chapped lips made no difference to his hunger. When was the last time he had felt hungry again? Was it 2, 3 years ago?

Sehun blinked again and slowly opened his mouth. The spoon was delicately put inside his mouth and taken out when he pressed his lips shut. He chewed on the tasteless food and forced himself to swallow. The argue to puke was almost instantly bugging him, but he ignored it.

"Do you think you can eat another bite?" the person who had been feeding him asked. He slowly moved his head side to side meaning 'no'. "That's ok, you ate a little bit more than you did last week, I'm really proud." Sehun only nodded, not feeling one bit of pride wash over him.

"Do you want anything else?" he had one answer for that, but he knew they wouldn't be able to bring it, so he shook his head. "I see," his friend smiled sadly, "I'll be in the living room if you need anything.". The sound of a door closing made him look down.

How long had he been in this state? It felt like such a long time since he had smiled or laugh. The feelings of happiness and joy felt so far away from him, as if they had been sucked out of him and thrown away. He felt nothing, just empty, lifeless. 

He was just a walking corpse of his former happy self. The boy who had once joked and laughed, shriek and yell just to laugh in the end was nowhere to be found. He was probably in the ruins of his former self, crying in pain and sorrow.

"Lu...."

The soft whisper barely reached his ears. His voice was hoarse from not talking for hours. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop tears from falling the moment he whispered that one word. His eyes which were usually hallow and lifeless were now screaming in pain.

His lips trembled as a sob pushed past his broken lips, body shaking along with each sob. Pain was all he could feel, sadness and grief overtaking his broken heart. He slowly got under the covers of his bed and hugged a small stuff animal.

It was a small deer, bambi to be exact.

____

"Sehun we have to go to school." the soft voice of Xiumin reached his ears. Sehun didn't give any sort of reaction as he continued staring at the blank wall. His mind was blank and empty, reflecting how he felt inside.

Today was yet again another day struggling to get out of bed and go to school. Usually his friends took turns to wake him up, make him eat or feed him if necessary and (sorta) force him to go to school. If they were lucky he would say more than 3 words and just follow their orders.

If they weren't lucky he wouldn't say anything nor acknowledge their presence. He would just stare at the air and ignore everything else. His friends didn't force him to go to school if he didn't really want to, but would try to make him do it on his own free will.

Which was harder than it sounded like. "At least once this week Sehun, just today and you don't have to go tomorrow or the next." Xiumin insisted, giving him a small smile. '_Just today go_.' his thoughts agreed with his friend, which eventually was the reason why he slowly got up from bed and headed towards the bathroom.

Xiumin let a smile take over his lips at the response his got from the other boy. It was hard to make Sehun go to school, but everytime they did it brought happiness to each one of their friends. 

~

The squeals and screams of girls could be heard all around him. All the noise would have bothered him in the past, but now, he felt nothing. He didn't felt annoyance or any sort of feeling. All he felt was emptiness, nothing new now.

"Sehun, look, everyone is so excited to see you!" Xiumin smiled at him, pointing at the screaming girls. Those students thought he was a 'bad boy' because he barely came to school and was good looking.

'_Pathetic_.' he thought, a bored look on his face. The reason why he barely came to school was because of medical issues. He was depressed and needed a lot of therapy. The doctors advised a lot of rest and small steps to things such as talking, eating and socializing.

The only people who knew why he missed a lot of school was his friends and the teachers only got the excuse of 'medical issues'. The other students made up rumors about him being a bad boy which he honestly thought it was all stupid.

It was lunch already, yeah he did miss half of the day already. The reason being he hadn't decided to go to school until 4th period and 5th period was lunch. It took him a lot of time to shower, brush his teeth and dress even tho all he did was throw on some black clothes.

"What do you want to eat today?" Xiumin hummed, walking forwards towards the cafeteria. Sehun said nothing, a response Xiumin had already expected. But it did disappoint him a little that nothing had changed. He and the other guys always held a spark bit of hope their friend would slowly start going back to his past self.

Xiumin sighed but kept his smile, telling himself it was an improvement that Sehun had even bothered to go to school. There were times Sehun would miss as far as 3 weeks of school if he didn't really want to go. And it was because of that why everyone made a big deal when Sehun did come to school.

Sehun could feel stares burning at the back of his skull, none of that made any sort of difference to his blank expression on his face. All he was doing at the moment was following Xiumin to whatever place he was going. "Sit here." he felt a small tap on his shoulder, making him visibly flinch.

"I'm sorry." the quick apology of Xiumin barely reached his ears. Sehun only gave a tiny nod, sitting down on the seat in front of the cafeteria table. "Do you want anything specific today?" Xiumin asked him softly. Sehun shook his head staring at the air yet again.

He didn't pay attention to anything after that. He heard excited 'hello's' from his friends, the only response he gave to that was a small nod. They were all used to that treatment from him, which was sadly the usual for 3 years now. 

Sehun did feel bad, but there was nothing he could really do about it. It wasn't that he was intentionally trying to hurt his friends, it just happened without him having any control. It would hurt more to both himself and his friends if he acted as if he was alright. So he didn't try to act as if he was ok, because he knew he wasn't fine.

"Sehun, the food's here." the voice of Xiumin snapped him out of his trance. He nodded slowly and looked down at the food in his plate. It was just small bite size pizzas, the proportion was more for a child than an adult's. But his friends knew he didn't eat more than a 7 year old did.

He could hear small conversation going on in between his friends, none of them tried to force him into it. Which he was thankful for, knowing they weren't doing anything to make him uncomfortable did make him thankful he had good friends.

It took almost 10 minutes or maybe 15 before he stabbed one of the tiny pizzas and put it on his mouth. Sehun knew he wasn't supposed to eat it like that but he honestly didn't care. He ignored the argue to puke and swallowed the tasteless food.

He noticed Suho pushing a water bottle his way, a small gentle smile tugging his lips. "You can have it." Suho whispered softly. Sehun nodded and grabbed the bottle. He noticed it was already open, meaning Suho knew he was going to need it.

Usually anything that had to do with strength he failed at, unlike the past where he used to excel at that. Opening a bottle took him a lot of strength, someone usually did that for him. Now days he barely did anything other than sleep, stare at air and cry.

Sehun drank a tiny bit of water and forced himself not to gag at the horrible taste of chemicals in the water. Some people didn't taste the chemicals water had in them, before he used to barely taste it too. But now, it seem almost overpowering it made him want to vomit.

"Sehun do you want my strawberry cheesecake-"

He froze, a pang of pain hit his chest. Everyone in the table froze too and stared at Tao with wide eyes. Without any words Sehun stood up and left the cafeteria, his food still barely even touched.

Everyone stared at Tao who looked like he was about to cry. "I'm sorry, I forgot." he whispered, blinking fastly. They all knew not to ever mention chocolate cheesecake or bubble tea in front of Sehun.

Those were after all, Luhan's favorite things.

___

"Sehun! Oh Sehun!"

The worried screams of his friends did make him confused. Why were they screaming like that? The accident of the chocolate cheesecake had already passed and even if it hurt him, he had already forgiven Tao. He knew it wasn't his friend's intention to hurt him.

And besides, how could he ever stay mad at the panda who acted like a teenage girl when he hadn't been mad from the start. He was hurt was the difference, it brought him pain the reminder. He was currently in the library, reading a book he was not really getting what it was about.

Without any sort of words he put the book down and looked up. It was Suho, Chanyeol and Baekhyun the ones who were currently making so much noise in the library which at the moment was isolated. Sehun stood still as they reached him and started to bomber him with questions he didn't answer.

"Are you ok?" Suho finally managed to shut up the couple who were looking at him with worried eyes. Sehun furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as to why they were asking the question, but never the less nodded.

His friends were weird, but this was above even their usual weirdness.

"Y-you haven't heard any rumors right?" Baekhyun almost screamed in his ear, which he quickly shuffled away from. Sehun shook his head. He never bothered to hear rumors, his head was too occupied being depressed for that.

"Good, come with us." Baekhyun motioned for him to stand up. Sehun looked back at the book he had been reading before and put it back where he had found it. He walked behind the 3 with his head lowered down to the floor, his thoughts going back to the reason why he was in that condition.

_"Have you seen that cute guy that just entered today?"_

_"He's so pretty for a boy, I'm not trying to sound mean or anything but he sort of looks like a girl."_

_"He's so adorable and I heard he's a really good athlete too."_

Sehun's ears perked up that, why was everyone making such a big deal about a new student. He continued to trail behind his friends, a frown on his lips. From the corner of his eye he could see Baekhyun fidgeting a lot and Chanyeol tapping his fingers against his thigh as he looked around, a nervous habit of the 2.

_Why were they all acting like that?_

_"I heard he used to be a student here 3 years ago and just moved back here from China."_

Sehun froze at that, his whole body stopping. His friends seem to notice that too and one of them hesitatingly put one hand on his back and started to push him forward. But for once in 3 years, instead of going with the flow Sehun stood his ground and didn't move from that spot.

"Sehun, come on. We have to get you home." Chanyeol argued urgently. This wasn't right, if he was correct, school didn't end until 2 more hours. Why were they taking him home before school ended? Why were they acting so weird today? Why did they ask him about the rumors?

_"I heard he used to be a student here 3 years ago and just moved back here from China."_

_"Lu.....han."_

Sehun spoke up, startling the 3 other boys. It had been a long time since he had talked, at least in front of them. Suho cleared his throat and looked at him nervously. Baekhyun breathed in loudly and smiled widely, a fake smile Sehun clearly could see through.

"Come on Sehun, I promise we won't bother you this whole day if you just cooperate. Let's get you home so you can go back to sleep. You must be really tired." Baekhyun insisted, biting his lower lip as he looked around. Sehun frowned but later nodded, no use to fight with his stubborn friends.

He let himself be pushed forward by Chanyeol and continued to walk forwards. His head once again was lowered down to the floor, eyes fixated on his shoes. A few minutes after he cooperated Chanyeol had let him walk by his own and walked to the side of Baekhyun, mumbling something.

He had to ask someone what was going on. Why were his friends acting so strange? The one who would easily tell was Yixing, he was the one who couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it. He was gullible and easy to convince, most of the time he didn't even know what he was doing.

Sehun sighed and frowned again, his thoughts left the subject of his friends and went back to their usual depressing ones. His hands were buried on his black jacket's pockets, phone hadn't been used at all the whole day. Before he used to spend the whole day with his phone on his face, now it was rare for him to even touch it.

A lot of things changed, ever since 3 years ago he was no longer the happy Sehun who used to smile a lot. The last time he had smiled a half or small smile had probably been 2 to 3 months ago, probably more.

The sound of footsteps getting closer to him pulled him out of his thoughts. Sehun sighed and continued to walk, he wanted silence but that wasn't what the hallways were giving him. Why were they taking so long to get out of the building into the car?

Usually it didn't take more than 10 minutes but it had felt like they had been walking for 20 minutes now. He slightly looked up and blinked confusedly, this wasn't the same way they usually got out from. Sehun shook his head and looked back down, completely ignoring it. 

Sehun completely froze the moment he felt arms envelop his fragile figure. His eyes widen and mouth dropping open, it had been a long time since anybody had hugged him. It wasn't even a thought anymore, he immediately flinched and scrambled away from the stranger's touch. 

Without anytime to waste he turned around, "What the....". And again he froze, his sentence stopping mid-way. The person in front of him had soft blonde hair, figure sorta small but athletic. Doe eyes and a small nose with beautiful small lips.

He was just about half head shorter than him. But it wasn't his figure nor his looks that made Sehun's insides freeze, but instead who was looking at him. The person itself left him cold and frozen, like his insides had turned into ice. 

"Don't be like that Sehun-ah, that's no way to greet your boyfriend," 

"Y-you."

"Oh wait, I'm sorry, I guess I'm your ex? Look you know I didn't mean it about breaking up, I never stopped loving you Sehun. I wasn't thinking back then. I was making stupid decisions." arms were yet again wrapped around his neck as a small head rested on his neck.

(A/N: Oh my god he sounds so pathetic ⤴.)

Sehun this time didn't flinch nor made any sort of movements to push the person off, instead just stood there in shock. Hands made its way to his face and held his cheeks on its palms.

"You've gotten thinner," a frown made its way into the other person's lips. "You look a bit pale too, have you been eating right? You know I don't like it when you skip meals." his sweet familiar voice rang through Sehun's ears.

"Come on Sehunnie, talk to me." he pouted, caressing his cheek with his thumb. Sehun only parted his lips before managing to push one word out of his lips. Not even when he had said it aloud did it feel anymore real. 

"Luhan."

"That's me." Luhan laughed, one hand falling down to grab Sehun's hand. "I'm sorry I left so suddenly before, I wasn't really thinking." he mumbled softly, a small sigh escaping his lips.

"But I-"

"I can't, I-"

Sehun backed away, pulling his hand out of Luhan's grasp. Luhan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. His lips parted open in surprise. "Hunnie, what are you-"

"I, no. I'm sorry, I just can't."

Sehun didn't look back before he started running, leaving a frozen and shock blonde who watched with pain filled eyes as he ran away.

_______

It had passed almost a week now since Luhan had returned, his head was all over the place. The feelings of emptiness and hollowness that had followed him for 3 years now returned to its full force. Before he had felt as if he had improved a little bit, but now it felt as strong and new as the first time he had felt it.

His friends came to check on him more often now, making sure he didn't do anything crazy like he had tried the first time he had felt like that. But the difference of the first time was that now instead of screaming and crying, thinking of sad thoughts, he was calm.

His thoughts were more like '_Why is he here?'. 'Is this real? Is he really here_?', it mainly revolved around the fact that he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Luhan had indeed returned. He had been so sure Luhan wouldn't return.

No matter how many times he begged in his mind for his love to return he had been sure he wouldn't. He had been 100% certain Luhan wouldn't come back no matter how much he pleaded, but here he was. Just a few minutes away from him.

Actually to be more accurate, he was just a few feet away from him. A few minutes ago Luhan out of nowhere had showed up on his house, knocking on the door of his room. Thinking it had been one of his friends Sehun hadn't answered and continue with his endless thinking.

An, "I see your room hasn't changed that much." pulled his attention, making him look up so fast he saw black dots for a few seconds. His eyes widen in surprise when he saw the person in his room. Immediately he stood up and tried to stay guarded. Luhan closed the door behind him and sighed, looking around.

"About the other day," started the blonde with a small smile. "I'm sorry about the way I approached you. It wasn't the correct way." he shook his head. Sehun stayed quiet, silently agreeing with his words.

"It was stupid of me to think things could go back the way they used to be." Luhan laughed humorlessly. "As if I hadn't just left you out of the blue, as if I wasn't the one who put you in this state." he added dryly, a small wince flashing through his face.

Sehun's eyes harden, knowing he was right. Luhan was the reason for most (if not all) his problems, he was the reason why he was in such state. "I shouldn't have just went to you like that. I'm sorry." Luhan looked down awkwardly.

Sehun knew that Luhan wasn't used to apologizing, he barely apologized unless he thought it was absolutely necessary. But somehow to him it didn't felt special or anything that Luhan was apologizing to him. He felt nothing other than confusion and anger towards the blonde in front of him.

Almost 10 minutes of unbearable silence was exchanged between the two boys in the room. Neither made any attempt to break the awkward atmosphere that surrounded them. That was until Sehun parted his lips open, pushing 3 words out of his lips.

"You left me."

Was all he said, staring at the floor. Luhan opened his mouth to say something but closed it in the end. A minute of silence passed before he finally managed to get something out. 

"It was for the best. If I had stayed the situation would've turned for the worst." he mumbled walking towards Sehun reaching out to touch his hand. He winced when he saw the black haired boy shuffle away from his touch. His heart gave a painful pang as he put his hand down.

"Don't."

Sehun murmur avoiding eye contact with the other boy. He felt so confused and hurt, his head was everywhere and nowhere. "Sehun I......" Luhan mumbled taking a step forwards despite the words of the black haired boy.

"I said don't!" snapped Sehun taking a step back, his eyes were narrowed into a glare that was filled with bitterness and confusion.

"Don't you fucking dare touch me." he growled, tightening his hands into tight fists. After everything that had happened, after all the pain and suffering he had gone through because Luhan, accepting him back felt harder than he had anticipated.

Luhan blinked fastly to push back tears, the words of the person in front of him managed to do so much damage. He didn't step back but also didn't step forwards.

"I don't want to see you right now. Go away." Sehun narrowed his eyes at the blonde. He needed time to think, to not just jump into things without being rational about it. He couldn't let his emotions be his only guide. Last time he had done that it didn't turn out so well for him

Luhan didn't say anything, instead let his head fall downwards. The atmosphere between them was filled with tension, an intoxicating air that left them gasping for fresh air.

"Sehun-"

"Don't say my name."

Luhan's eyes started to tear up by the coldness of the words. Where was the man he had fallen in love with 3 years ago? Where was the gentle, sweet guy who smiled and laughed like life had only showered him with gifts? Where was the man who once only knew how to speak to him so sweetly and look at him with only love?

"I-I'm sorry."

His voice cracked at the end, he ignored it and only focused on pushing back the tears in his eyes.

"Just leave!" Sehun refused to let the anguish in his voice through, "Leave like you did 3 years ago, its better if you do.". If he wanted to think rationally he couldn't let Luhan in so quickly. He started walking past Luhan towards the door.

Luhan's eyes widen, immediately he turned and ran towards the black haired boy.

The moment he was close enough he wrapped his arms around Sehun, face buried on his back. "No, I'm sorry. I can't leave again." he whispered in a voice filled with sadness. Sehun froze on that spot, not pushing the blonde away.

He hadn't noticed when but the next thing he knew a hand touched his cheek. "I'm sorry, I know I fucked up so bad." the moment something soft was pressed against his lips he closed his eyes. The feelings of sadness, anger, love, hate, lost and pain came back at full force.

Before he knew it or could register what was going on a tear had already left his eye. "Don't do this. Stop. Leave." he mumbled against the sweet pair of familiar lips he couldn't stop kissing. His arm had slowly made its way home around Luhan's waist, pressing him closer against his chest.

Luhan wiped away the tear that had left Sehun and slowly broke the kiss. His eyes were blinking so fast to get rid of the tears half of the time he saw black. "This is all your fault. You caused this." Sehun whispered with his eyes still closed.

How was he supposed to close Luhan off when blonde could so easily slide through his walls as if they were made of air?

"I know." Luhan let one of his hands fall to his side, the other still cupping Sehun's cheek. "You're the reason why this happened to us. You're the reason why I am in this state." Luhan would be lying if he said the words didn't hurt him.

"I know."

"This is all your fault. If only you hadn't left me we would still be together."

"I know."

"If only you had trusted me to protect you and hadn't left so suddenly with just a note as a goodbye this could have had a different ending!"

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not!" tears stung the back of his eyes, "Leave, just leave."

"I can't."

"But you sure easily could 3 years ago."

Luhan had tears streaming down his face at that point. Sobs leaving his lips could be heard through the room, body shaking along with each sound that left him. "It wasn't easy." he let his head fall downwards, tears now landing on the floor rather than his shirt.

"Really?! Well it sure seem like it! You left so suddenly, only leaving a note that consisted of 6 words! You made it seem as if everything that happened meant nothing! As if I had been nothing but something you could easily throw away and forget!" Sehun shook his head with a bitter chuckle.

The letter he had received before everything came crashing down haunted him even in his dreams.

"Why those words out of the million of words there are in the dictionary! I told you, I promised I would protect you!" Sehun looked up the ceiling and gritted his teeth.

Luhan didn't say anything but silence.

"I gave my word to you, and all I received was mistrust. You didn't trust me enough to protect you." Sehun's arm fell down to his side and reached out to hold Luhan's hand that was still in his cheek. He grabbed it and slowly unattached it from his face.

"It wasn't that I didn't trust you." Luhan spoke up, his voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't want you to constantly get hurt because of me. One day it would have been too much for you. What would I have done then?" he gripped Sehun's hand tightly. 

"If I lost you, what would happen to everyone that cares about you? Do you realize how it would break them? I couldn't risk it." Luhan looked up with tears filling his eyes. Sehun's eyes narrowed, lips turning into a scowl.

"I don't care about me damn it! Luhan you were all I cared about, I didn't give a single fuck what happened to me! You were all I could think of, I made it clear as long as we were together nothing else mattered." Sehun clenched his jaw in anger. He ripped his hand away from Luhan's and took a step forward, forcing Luhan to take a step backward.

"I would have taken care of everything else if you had just trusted me. If you had more faith in me things could have worked out better, but no!" Sehun pointed a finger at him, taking more steps forwards. "You just had to think about yourself only!" his words by now were only controlled by anger and hurt. 

It wasn't long before Luhan's foot hit the desk, back pressing against the edge of the desk. "How selfish of you, just leaving me like this! I bet you didn't even bothered to think how I would feel, how it would affect me." growled Sehun, slapping his hands to either side of Luhan's body.

"S-stop." Luhan whispered feeling every word hit his heart.

"No, you deserve to know what your actions brought. Do you realize how it wasn't only me the one who got hurt?! Did you for one second think of your best friend who has been trying to put on a brave face this whole time but everyone knows he cries himself to sleep?!" yes Sehun was very much aware of how sad Xiumin was.

Xiumin was a strong person, but even he had his limits. Luhan had been his brother from a different mother, when Luhan had left it left him broken. Luhan's eyes filled with tears at the knowledge, his heart twisting in pain at the image of his best friend in so much pain.

"O-of course I thought of him and how would everyone react!" he wanted to yell but his throat was too clogged up, a small whimper pushing past his lips. Sehun only narrowed his eyes at the crying man, lips furrowed into a scowl.

"Then why! Why did you have to leave!" he might as well have scream those words seeing how Luhan flinched away from him. His eyes still filled with tears, watered more at the way Sehun had said those words.

Sehun leaned towards the blonde, ignoring the way he looked so torn.

"Did you once, once think of all the pain everyone would be in?! All the pain we suffered because of you?! Did you ever!?" he yelled, anger filling his voice. Luhan let out a small whimper, wiping his tears despite his eyes creating more.

"S-stop, p-please stop!"

Sehun froze, heart squeezing in pain at the way he had said those words, filled with raw pain. "I get it, I hurt so much p-people! But please s-stop! It also hurt m-me!" Luhan whispered weakly, tears clouding his vision as heart twisted in endless pain.

"I'm sorry!" he looked up to the frozen man with tears still wet in his cheeks. "I'm so sorry," he breathe out, reaching out to touch his cheek. "I d-didn't mean to h-hurt everyone. I just wanted t-to protect you." he whispered, a small sob escaping his lips. Sehun still frozen did nothing to stop him.

"I did a mistake," he leaned in, "I get it, but please forgive me. I didn't meant for things to turn out like this.". Sehun only gently breathed in, his dark eyes meeting another pair of teary light brown eyes. The breath he didn't knew he was holding was released, sending small puff of air hitting Luhan's trembling small pink ones.

"I'm so sorry for all the pain I caused you and the others," the only thing he could focus on was the warm and soft sensation touching his own lips. The electricity feeling that spread through his head all the way to his toes. The way his mind turned blank from that fuzzy feeling that spread so pleasurably through his body.

"I'm sorry for hurting you and everyone so much all this time." nothing mattered, not when those sinful and pleasurable lips where pressed against his. Not when those small delicate hands held his face and hair all at once, when the sensation pulled him in.

"I'm sorry for leaving you behind all those years ago without a warning." Sehun gave up.

At some point through the kiss Luhan had gotten on the desk, wrapping his legs around Sehun to pull him closer. The only resistance Sehun had gave to that was pulling back to breathe in more air just as lips were caught again.

His hands stood next to Luhan's side, not moving one inch to push the blonde off him. When finally Luhan ran out of air and released his lips, he breathe in the air and licked his tingling lips. "Lu, don't do this." he pleaded softly, personally knowing how much control Luhan had over him.

In the past, if Luhan had wanted anything Sehun would have gladly sell his soul to Kyungsoo in order to get it. It didn't matter what he wanted or at what time he wanted it, whatever it was, he always got it. All it took was a look, a kiss or a smile, nothing else.

Sehun didn't know when he had closed his eyes but had done so at some point, his breath hitch when he felt hands start to unbutton his black shirt. 'No, this is wrong!' his mind screamed, yet that was not what Luhan's lips implied when they caught his own again.

Back in the time where they had been dating, Sehun was the one in control of everything when it came to kisses, make out sessions and specially the sexual intercourse itself. That however wasn't being followed when he opened his lips, letting Luhan's tongue invade his mouth.

It felt different when someone else's tongue was pleasuring you rather than you pleasuring the other person. He shivered slightly when Luhan's cold hands made contact with his chest, his shirt still hanged into his fragile figure just all the buttons were undone leaving his chest and stomach exposed.

Another shiver ran down his spine when those cold fingers gently traced his flat stomach, leaving goosebumps in his pale, clean skin. He couldn't stop the soft moan from escaping when he felt Luhan slightly shift, directly brushing over his crotch.

His own hands were itching to explore the familiar foreign body of the smaller boy, to trace every curve and burn every dip of his body in his mind. That however had to wait, Luhan seem to have other things in mind. Sehun would've pulled back if he had the strength, if he had the will to pull away from those intoxicating lips of the blonde,

but he didn't.

That's why when Luhan's fingers reached the zipper of his pants he did nothing to stop him from zipping it down and unbuttoning the last few buttons of his pants. There, it was done, he was practically completely exposed to his past lover, the only items that stood in the way were Luhan's clothes.

"Mmm~"

Luhan practically swallowed Sehun's moan, licking all around his mouth, sucking and nibbling his lips. Sehun's breath hitched when he felt hands start to slide down his open shirt, however he did nothing to stop him.

All he could focus on was-

"Sehun, Luha-woah I see you two made up fast!"

Sehun's eyes snapped open, suddenly pulled out of the euphoric feeling he had been yanked into. Luhan, almost unwillingly slowly pulled his tongue out of Sehun's mouth, licking Sehun's lips one last time before his tongue returned to his own mouth.

The black haired boy took in a deep breath, feeling his lips wet from his own saliva mixed with a little bit of Luhan's. Slowly and still dizzy he stepped back and turned around, hands shaking as they button his shirt back up. He zipped his pants back up and fixed the button of it.

Luhan himself was out of breath, panting he got down from the desk and licked his lips. The faint taste of Sehun still lingered in his tongue, making him try to savor it as much as he could while it was still there. He looked towards the door and frowned at the person who interrupted them.

It was none other than Kim Jongdae himself, who in the past had been his and Sehun's major cockblocker. And again, almost as if was destined to always ruin their moments here he was again ruining their moment. Jongdae had a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

"Suho (A/N: I have to stop blaming Suho for everything 😂.) told me check up on you two in case something happened," Jongdae paused and smirked playfully, "but I see you two are getting along just fine.". He slowly backed away and starting closing the door, sending a wink their way before shutting it close.

Luhan internally scowled at the interruption, having been so close.

Sehun in the other hand did indeed feel slightly annoyed but at the same time grateful for the interruption. Had Jongdae not came in at that time he would've completely lost all the (barely any to begin with) self control he had.

Taking a unsteady, shaky breath he walked over to his bed and sat down, not having the strength to stand up anymore. He felt tired and drained, both physically and emotionally. He looked back to Luhan who was still leaning against the desk, a small frown on his pink lips.

"Luhan," the name rolled out of his tongue too smoothly for his liking at the moment, "that wasn't, that wasn't the best way to approach things.". If all it took for Luhan to break down his walls was a kiss how supposed to go through with his whole 'ignoring Luhan plan'.

Luhan looked down at the floor before standing up straight and walking his way.

Almost immediately Sehun froze, body stiffing completely when the blonde was in front of him. With a small gulp he looked up the other male and breath hitched, already swooning over his beautiful eyes. It didn't take long for him to get lost in those warm eyes, those eyes that called out to him with such a inviting way.

Small hands touched his face, a body pushing itself between his legs. "Lu-" soft lips were connected to his again, cutting his off in such a sweet way. Almost as if by instinct his eyes fluttered shut, lips moving along with the ones pressed against his.

His hands rested in the bed, just like last time, they did nothing to stop Luhan from anything he did. He could feel one hand straying its way from his cheek to his black hair, fingers tangling themselves in it and gripping them softly.

When Luhan pulled away to regain his breath he took the chance to suck up a mouthful of air before trying to say something again. "Lumm-" he words were yet again cut off by those sweet lips, small and soft, almost seem innocent but so intoxicating.

"S-st-mmm-op cu-tting me-off." his words were drown by Luhan's lips, words unheard (ignored) by the blonde who at some point had sat on his lap and straddled his waist. He had no control over his actions, body just a limp puppet for Luhan to do as he desired.

He mouth parted open when he felt his lower lip being tugged, hot mouth inviting the wet muscle of the other boy. With almost a roll of eyes (internally) he could feel annoyance start to creep in. The way he had no control over his body annoyed him, the way he just couldn't say 'no' to Xiao Luhan angered him.

Almost as if his body was trying to prove its point, it let itself be pushed to the bed, lips still locked in a breathless kiss. When he could feel the burn of not breathing for a while start to rise up the kiss deepened before Luhan released his lips.

Both were panting heavily, wet lips still connected by the thin string of saliva that hung in between them. Luhan reached out and brushed Sehun's lips, wiping away the string before pressing his lips against his again. However this time it was just pressing with no movement, confusing the younger boy.

It was just a chase kiss, just the presence of lips against one another. Luhan sat back up, still straddling his waist. Sehun only took in a deep breath, heart still pounding at an abnormal pace. His eyes slowly opened and furrowed in confusion, lips parted open in surprise.

"I'm sorry."

Luhan looked down, a small frown on his small lips. "I know you don't want this," he looked back at Sehun with a small frown, "well, at least not now.". Sehun did have to agree with that, he didn't want them to solve things by sex like they did in the past most of the time.

He wanted them to talk things out, to find a resolution and hear one another. Not just some angry make up sex that only consisted of pleasure. "I'm not gonna do anything you don't want." Luhan gave him a small sad smile, getting off him and seating down on his bed next to him.

Sehun blinked, staring at the ceiling blankly. He sat up and looked at Luhan, frowning softly. All the anger he had held within him a few minutes ago seem to have evaporated and all that was left was sadness. Sadness and hurt, something he was very familiar with.

"Luhan-"

"Please stop calling me that." the said man pleaded, eyes twinkling with tears. If Sehun hadn't seen that sad look on his eyes he would have tried to sarcastically shoot back with "But that's your name.". But he did see the look on his eyes, the sadness behind it.

"Lu then," the old nickname rolled out of his tongue so naturally he wondered why he ever stopped using it. Luhan seem more comfortable with that and cracked a half smile, it still wasn't enough to hide the sadness however.

"I don't know what so say, I want to be angry at you. I want to hate you for leaving me." Sehun looked down at his legs. Luhan's half smile fell at the confession, but he wasn't surprised really. "But I can't." Sehun sighed, reaching out to put his right hand over his heart.

"This stupid heart of mine can't seem to hate you. It can't seem to be able to even be mad at you no matter how hard I try." he chuckled softly, "It still and will always beat for you.". It was true, his heart was still pounding way too fast for its normal speed. 

He clutched his shirt tightly, fisting the material as if would make his heart calm down if he did it hard enough. That however stopped when a hand was gently put on top of his, with just its touch it unravel his fist until it slowly fell back down to his lap.

Sehun closed his eyes when the hand took the place of where his hand used to be at. The pounding of his heart only sped up at the touch. Luhan's eyes widen when under his palm the fast pace of a beating heart was felt. Almost instantly a small smile tugged itself on his lips, his own heart skipped a beat.

"You're making it harder."

Sehun whispered, letting out a shaky sigh. "Then don't try, don't force yourself to be mad at me." Luhan let his hand fall back to his side. "I know nothing I say or do can make up for all the pain I put you guys through." he mumbled softly, head falling down.

"But I say again, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you all like this, especially you. All I wanted was to protect you, but I did more damage to you than he could've done." Luhan's voice broke. Sehun stayed quiet, now that all the anger was out of his system he felt pain hearing Luhan's sad voice.

"I wasn't planning to stay away from you for so long when I left, just a few months or a year." Luhan admitted softly. Sehun paused and frowned at the confession, he looked at the smaller boy and tilted his head, almost as if asking what happened.

"He-" Luhan drew his knees to his chest. "He found me again Sehun. My parents were scared, they owned him and we had no protection whatsoever.". Just from his voice Sehun could tell whatever happened he didn't want to experience again.

"Y-you knew the mess my parents had gotten involved in, all the money they owned him, all because of me, because of their business." tears blurred Luhan's eyes again. "We had to leave, we were hoping to shake him off our trail and that way protect you and all the guys." Luhan closed his eyes.

"It worked for around 3 months. But then," he voice got a little chocked up, words struggling to come out, "mom had gone shopping for food, dad was packing things to move to our next location and I was watching guard to make sure nobody suspicious came around."

Sehun reached out and before he touched Luhan he saw the blonde flinch, close his eyes before drawing his knees closer to his chest. Immediately Sehun put his hand back down, feeling guilty.

"We were in the house for only a week, he couldn't have learned our location so fast after we've been moving for 3 months all over the place right?" Luhan licked his lip, exhaling softly,

"Wrong. He could have.".

"Before I could warn mom or dad one of his men knocked me out. They took me to their base and then," Luhan opened his eyes, "they took me to see him.". The words itself made a dreadful feeling punch Sehun in his gut.

"He threatened my parents for all the money they owned him or else he will kill me. Or worse, keep me alive but make sure I suffered through it all." Luhan wiped away the tears that escaped his eyes against his will.

"My parents' business had just crumbled down even after they borrowed money from him, they had nothing to give him. The police couldn't come and help, what good will they do against a man who has a whole army to defend him." Luhan shook his head.

"So they begged him to let me go, offered even working for him and tried to make deals. Nothing worked Sehun, and it kept on like that for months, 4, 5? I'm not sure, it could've been 6 for all I know." Sehun wanted to comfort him, hated himself for accusing him so harshly.

"But then, for some miracle he grew tired and proposed that they had 2 years to give him back all the money they owned him and he would give me back to them unharmed. All this time he hadn't harmed me in any way to make sure that he held the threat that he could over my parents." Luhan murmur, biting his lip.

"My parents started working like crazy for 2 years then, I helped them and studied my next 3 years of college. For some reason he paid my college bills, probably adding more to the money my parents owned him." Sehun wanted to hug Luhan, to cradle him in his arms and whisper comforts like he used to do all those years ago.

"By around the end of my 3rd year of college we were almost done paying, but time was also running out. I would've called you or somebody to let you know I was ok, but he had us under close watch, almost on a leash." Luhan's eyes were sad from the past.

"6 months ago was when we only needed a little more to finish paying the debt, but it was also around that time we noticed that he seemed to be panicking. A lot of his men were turning against him because his niece was recruiting them. That was our chance." Luhan seem to smile a little at this.

"The second she came over to him and took over as the leader we fled and came back here. We erased our whole history from there and moved back here to start again. All the people who knew from our debt had been killed so we were free." Luhan looked up to him and smiled softly.

"But dad didn't want us to live in fear so he walked back to her and explained things. After everything we went through the last thing we had expected was for his niece to understand and let us go but she did. She helped my parents open up a new business after he took everything from us." Luhan let out a laugh of disbelief.

"She payed back the money we worked up for the whole 2 years and a half and gave it back to us. She even payed for the college loans and future bills for my last year on college. With all of this I could finally return Sehun, I could finally come back to you without being being a danger." Luhan sighed but still looked calm.

"It wasn't that I didn't trust you to keep me safe Sehun, I trusted and still trust you. But he had people that could kill you. It wasn't your battle Sehun, but the consequences of my parents' decisions." Sehun didn't bother fighting the argue anymore and drew Luhan to his arms.

At first the blonde was clearly startled but slowly loosened up and relaxed in his arms. He snuggled closer to him and Sehun couldn't help but draw him even closer, feeling as if only they existed.

"I-I needed time for me to calm down Sehun, my parents and I were paranoid and are still trying to adjust not needing to look over our shoulder at everything that moves. I couldn't come back to you and the guys so broken, I needed time to heal." Luhan whispered softly, voice filled with sadness.

"4 months later here I am Sehun, I still need help. Throughout all this time I thought about you and all the guys, always worried that you hated me or that you were ok. I didn't realize leaving would make you so," Luhan looked up to him with sad eyes,

"Depressed?"

Luhan shook his head, "Lifeless." he whispered, delicately caressing Sehun's cheek.

"I'm sorry I hurt you so much, I'm sorry I couldn't explain to you the reason why I left so suddenly. I needed to break things off so he didn't have a reason to hold any of you hostage. I really did want to protect you Sehun." Luhan blinked fastly.

"I'm sorry-"

"Stop apologizing Lu," Sehun cut him off, placing a finger over his rambling lips. "I'm the one who needs to apologize for being so harsh with you and assuming everything. I never gave you time to explain and all I thought of was myself these last 3 years, how much I was hurt, not how much you were suffering.".

"You had the right Sehun," Luhan spoke up, "I left you with a note that held words that sounded as if I was giving up, as if I couldn't trust you anymore. I left like a scared bastard and you had the right to be mad at me-"

"No I didn't Lu!" Sehun grabbed Luhan's hands, "All this time all I wondered was why you left me, why you wrote that note to me. Everything was about me, me, me! I never tried to get better with my depression, I blamed all on you and was an asshole to everyone." Sehun shook his head.

"I have no right to be mad at you when all you did was try to find a way to survive.".

Luhan opened his mouth to argue but stopped himself, instead slowly enveloped Sehun into a hug. "I'm sorry, you and I been through so much and we're going to get better ok? I'll help you with everything I can." he mumbled against his neck.

Sehun hugged him back, holding the small man that held his heart in his hands closely because even if bitterness ate him away the love he had for Xiao Luhan overpowered it and made the words sound true even to him.

_______

* 6 years later*

With a small yawn forcing its way pass his lips Sehun opened the door of his house and grinned when he saw a small body run to the door.

"Daddy you're home!"

His small 4 year old son yelled, jumping into him. Immediately Sehun scooped him up and closed the door behind him, tickling his small child in the stomach as the toddler shrieked in laughter.

"If you're going to hold Xian at least change from your uniform." his husband for 4 years now scolded him, a fond look on his eyes even as he crossed his arms.

"Oh please, as if you can talk Lu," Sehun let out a small snort, "fucking hypocrite." he pointed at the white coat of Luhan.

"Sehun! Language!" Luhan shrugged off his coat and stalked over to them, taking Xian from Sehun and scowling at him.

Rolling his eyes Sehun took off his belt and unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a white polo shirt underneath his uniform.

6 years had passed since Luhan came back. They both finished college and found stable jobs before marrying. Luhan had taken the career of a psychologists, mainly because of his own experience in learning how to heal after what he went through all those years ago.

Sehun at first had considered following Luhan, his own experience of depression and his mental problems slowly healing up made him question if it was a good path to help those like he had once been.

But then he remembered how Luhan hadn't had anybody to turn to when he had needed help. So together with Jongin who followed with him they became chief police, Jongin becoming 2nd in rank.

2 years ago, when they bought a house, their jobs were stable and they felt ready to start a family they adopted Xian. At that time he had been 2 years old, curious of the world and just charming overall. He quickly won their hearts and they had adopted him.

Now, 6 years later everything was well now.

And as Luhan kissed him 'welcome home', Xian giggling in their arms and the warmth of familiarity creeped up on his heart he truly felt at home.


End file.
